Drunk as a Potter
by genogoth
Summary: Harry gets a little tipsy at a Hogwarts party, what is Ginny going to do? Why are Ron's ears getting red and not his face? Why is Hermione watching Harry strip? Why did Ginny steal those?


**The song used in this story: Unicorn by the The Irish Rovers**

**I don't own Harry Potter, though I can dream. I'd love to hear your imput on this story, for the record it is a one shot and my first try at humor, so please try to be nice if you possibly can. Please don't forget to review!**

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"Hey, where's Harry?" Hermione asked, looking up from her uber thick text book.

"He went to a party in the Room of Requirement, remember? You know the one you didn't want to go to." Ron said, wishing he had gone with his friend instead of staying to keep Hermione company. Most of the Gryffindors had gone, well the ones above 5th year anyways. Ginny had gone with Harry, what a relief; he wouldn't have to worry about Harry doing anything stupid, would he?

"Oh yeah, that one, well you do know you could have gone Ron, though it was really sweet that you stayed here to keep me company." Hermione said, going back to her reading, Ron's ears turned red, yet his face somehow remained the same color it always was. How did he do it? The world may never know.

It was nearing midnight, and Ron was half asleep with his Chuddly Cannons book on his lap when people started returning from the party, it seems it was a close call with Filch to break it up. Ron perked up; he had to tell Harry what Hermione had said to him. She had said he was sweet, which was an improvement from, 'you insufferable prat.'

It was after a few people plopped down in the chairs and couches or went off to bed that Ginny and Harry arrived. Well you could hear Harry before you could see him actually.

"Hey Gin Gin, waswn't tha party fun?" Harry slurred loudly as Ginny shoved him through the portrait hole. He fell with a thud to the ground, grinning madly.

Ginny jumped out of the hole and helped him to his feet, seeing he couldn't get the room to stop spinning enough to walk.

"There were thesese pink duckies and purple house elveses." Harry said, pulling away from Ginny and somehow miraculously finding enough balance to jump onto the table in the middle of the room. Ginny made her way over to Ron and Hermione, she was desperate for some help with the situation.

"Ginny what's wrong with Harry?" A 4th year girl asked Ginny.

"Well….." Ginny started, only to be cut off by Harry.

"Hello my peoples!" He yelled, all chatter stopped. "I'z likes to say that allz on the house elveses libberationzs frount is look'in gooooood!"

There were some giggles, but mostly everyone were goggling at the clearly piss drunk golden boy who could do no wrong.

"Alzo the fruits in the Great Halls say hello. I luve puppies you know that? I wizhs I had a puppy." Harry spontaneously broke down into tears. Then a second later smiled brightly. "I luve Gin Gin, and I knowz 'Mione luvs Ron Ron. It'z like the Weazelys have this mag…..mag…..oh damn, this thingy whichies attracts peoplez. It sooooo cool."

Hermione coughed, "Ginny, exactly how much did he drink?"

"Well Malfoy challenged him to a drinking contest….." Ginny trailed off.

"And Harry accepted, of course." Hermione filled in the blanks. Ginny nodded.

"Who won?" Ron asked, being his usual self even though the red in his ears had somehow mysteriously spread across his face and he now resembled a highly amused tomato.

"Surprisingly Harry," Ginny said, Harry had found the fact he was wearing a shirt highly disturbing and was struggling with the buttons. "For someone who never drank before, he could sure pack it in. Malfoy passed out while Harry was still going. He didn't begin to act like this until we were out in the hall though."

Ginny, Ron, and Hermione broke off their conversation and watched in horrid fascination as Harry, who had all ready removed his shirt, began dancing on the table.

Some girl wolf whistled, while someone else started up some music, Harry began dancing rather disturbingly on the table, kind of like a stripper.

Hermione put her hands over her eyes, though she was peaking out from between her fingers, while Ginny and Ron tried to fight their way through the crowd to get to him before he removed any more clothing. Too late, he had kicked off his jeans into the mass of Gryffindors. Now he was just standing there in his boxers dancing like a stripper, thank Merlin there were no poles in the room, he'd probably have started pole dancing or something.

Ron and Ginny finally got through the crowd as Harry was about to remove his boxers. A lot of girls were cheering this on.

"Harry James Potter, you damn better get off that table right now!" Ginny snarled, a few startled 3rd years standing near her jumped back in fear.

"Nopers Gin Gin, you have ta come up heres and getz me." Harry cried, shaking his but in Ginny's face. Her face suddenly looked a lot like a tomato as well.

"Damnit Harry! Get down!" Ron yelled.

"Noppers Gin Gin has to get me!" Harry cried again, coming dangerously close to losing his balance.

Ginny was enraged as she tried to climb up on the table, though she knew later on she'd think back on this event and laugh, right now it wasn't that funny in her point of view anyways. Everyone else seemed to think it was, the whole room was in an uproar. Everyone who was sleeping was definitely awake now and coming downstairs to find out what the hell was going on. Ginny crawled on the table and tried to subdue Harry who now was doing a poor imitation of a grind, of course he was drunk so he thought he was a great dancer.

All of a sudden he broke out in song, Ginny cried out in despair, seeing she couldn't do anything to stop him short of knocking him off the table.

A long time ago, when the earth was still green,

There were more kinds of animals than you've ever seen;

They'd run around free while the earth was being born,

The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

Now God seen some sinnin' and it gave Him pain.

And He said, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain."

He said, "Hey, brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do.

Build me a floating zoo."

And take some of them green alligators and long-necked geese,

Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,

Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,

Don't you forget my Unicorn."

"Hey, Lord: I've got yer... Green alligators and long-necked geese,

Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,

Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn,

I just can't see no Unicorn."

Old Noah looked out into the driving rain,

Them Unicorns was hiding, playing silly games,

Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring,

Oh, them silly Unicorns.

There was green alligators and long-necked geese,

Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,

Noah cried, "Close the doors 'cause the rain is pourin',

And we just can't wait for no Unicorns."

The Ark started movin', it drifted with the tide,

Them Unicorns looked up from the rock and they cried,

And the waters came down and sorta floated them away,

That's why you'll never see a Unicorn, to this very day.

You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese,

Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,

Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,

You're never gonna see no Unicorn.

By that time Ginny was so fed up she just tackled him off the table, the crowds, who were still laughing at how stupid the song was, barely had time to move back. Ginny landed on top of Harry with a thud.

"Ouchie!" Harry cried, tears coming to his eyes, "What'd youz have to do that for?"

Ginny, still blushing madly, quickly stood up, "You're drunk Harry, we need to get you to bed." She held out her hand for Harry to take so she could help him up.

Harry stumbled to his feet, swaying unsteadily, everyone was clapping, and Ginny pulled him up the steps to the boy's dorms. A minute later though, his head peaked around the corner of the wall, "Thank you London, I'll be here all week!" he yelled, throwing his boxers at some random girl and stumbling back up the steps in the nude.

The next morning Ginny skipped down to breakfast, a badly hung over Harry following miserably behind her.

"Good morning!" She said cheerfully, Ron and Hermione regarding her carefully; she was acting way too happy.

Harry slumped over at his spot at the table, the smell of food making him feel like he was going to puke.

"How are you feeling Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Does like shit cover it? Oh yeah, anyone know what happened to my cloths last night?"

Everyone at the table, who were clearly eavesdropping, broke into laughter; Harry had no idea what he did last night.

"Harry's best friend last night was the toilet." Ginny stated after Harry ran from the hall, hand over his mouth like he was going to get sick, after Ginny waved a forkful of eggs under his nose.

Ron and Hermione winced, but Ginny sighed, "He deserved it, getting drunk like that."

Inwardly Ginny was smiling, thinking about the pair of boxers she had hidden under her pillow, she had plans for those, oh yes she did.

All while this was going on Dumbledore was smiling, his eyes twinkling. It wasn't every day The-Boy-Who-Lived got drunk.


End file.
